How’s that for a click-bait title. This is an emergency article written for the sake of having content, of course, with this being a radio station I should take some time to talk music, but nah, I do that enough and will do it much more in the future. So, instead in light of spending the summer alone with my own social failures I think I will take the blame from myself like any rational American and blame the media instead. So here are movies that ruined me in high school arguably the time when all social skills come to fruition. I don’t hate these films I love them. Love them so much that they directly influenced my personality, and of course there are going to be good reasons for my social skills being disabled by my love for these films.
1. Beavis and Butt-Head do America
Like any man-child worth his weight in doritos and mountain dew I love animation. I blame growing up with Disney movies on VHS (at least they weren’t on laser disc so I don’t feel that old) and the occasional Don Bluth film. As I got older my parents introduced me to the rebellious era of MTV and Beavis and Butt-Head, my mom rented this film from a family video with me when I was about 14-15 right when I started getting into music and I ate it all up. Since then I became a Mike Judge fan boy for his unapologetic art style and witty commentary. I remember trying to explain this movie to my high school friends and the first thing they said was, “What’s a Beavis and Butt-Head,” I was then damned into wishing for an era of television that I was not around to witness and looking for online petitions to sign hoping MTV will put music videos back up. I will not stop until I get my MTV.
2. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Most Bogus Adventure
I love these films, and if there’s anything to come from this list, it’s I watched a lot of movies that weren’t new or hip. I still haven’t watched “Superbad” and I saw “Kickass” once and I really need to get back to rewatching it especially with all the super hero movies going on, but I digress. Bill and Ted are the poster children for a genre of film I like to call Loser Buddy Comedies. Films that take losers make them buddies and boom instant comedy. Bill and Ted are the kind of movie characters I find hard to hate yet have gone extinct in this day and age, or maybe I’m wrong and I’m too easily distracted by movies that have Emma Stone dancing in pretty sets with Ryan Gosling. I got way too into these movie’s soundtrack and I find the copious music references flattering for 80’s glam fanboys like me. I couldn’t tell you how much I wanted to just talk awesomeness of these movies with my friends in high school but they refused to watch on the account that they weren’t willing to enjoy the stupidness and silliness of these movies. Apparently, everyone wants something serious like “Project X.” Oh yeah, does anyone remember that movie?
3. Wayne’s World 1 and 2
These movies are the reason I got into media. Watching to Loser Buddies faun over their small time production show really sent a signal to younger me and I just went, “Gee wiz, that’s neat.” (I was an awkward child.) I made a rule when I watched these movies that if anyone quoted these movies I would instantly make them my friend. I only made two friends off this rule. I still stand by this rule today, and when I awkwardly reference this movie in a social situation I just get stares. One of these days I’ll say a reference and get everyone laughing, just watch, I just got to believe.
4. Coraline
So a lot of this list is, I find a movie, it was not a popular as I think it is. My taste in films then make me feel bad as no one understands it. Therefore, I can never get along with people easily. However, I have a different story this time. Once, I had a girlfriend who loved “Nightmare before Christmas,” and she also loved Tim Burton for it. I liked the film, I didn’t love it. I did become painfully aware of Tim Burton’s name on everything. So I watched Tim Burton’s “Alice and Wonderland” and I didn’t like it. So I watched “Corpse Bride” and I didn’t care for it but I thought it was fine. I then thought, how the guy who made “Beetlejuice” “Batman 1989” and “Edward Scissorhands” made movies like these. It was like everything post “Nightmare” was a different director. Then I began to look deeper into Burton’s film history he produced “Nightmare” which let’s not forget “Nightmare” does very well in merchandise sales and Burton’s name is very good advertisement on the movie. So I looked at who directed it, a fine chap called Henry Selick, who looks like he sells weird obscure mask in some flea marketplace. So I looked into his movies and you know what, I have seen a lot of his films. My favorite work of his is “Coraline” it’s charming, cute and horrific. Because, of this movie I took up the role of defending Henry Selick from being lost in Tim Burton’s shadow and of course when talking to Burton fans they don’t care who Henry Selick is or if you’re right, they just want to talk about how great their director is. I am still continuing this battle to this day.
5. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
I make a million references to this movie over the course of my radio shows. I love this movie to death. I have a case of showing it to all my friends so they understand what perfection looks like. I go door to door to stranger’s houses and recite, “hello sir and or madam, do you have a moment to watch Scott Pilgrim vs the World?” Most of the time I get the door in my face, and sometimes it gets a little saddening knowing no one else will share my love of this film, but I will continue to spread the word of this brilliant film. Now the people on my block know me as the weird Scott Pilgrim guy. Needless to say, any sane person can see how this has affected me.
6. Mallrats
Kevin Smith is amazing, I know this is the black sheep of his View Askiew movies but I love it. This film isn’t as good as “Clerks, “Jersey Girl,” “Chasing Amy” or “Dogma” but there’s something about it. This very rare charm I like. I defend this movie again and again over and over again. But, I know there is something in this movie worth defending so I will never feel shame in defending it, I just can’t mention it when I’m talking Kevin Smith movies with my other film related friends, otherwise I usually get asked to move to the far side of the table away from everyone so I sit in my bad opinions. Still I feel no shame.
7. Eragon
Look, please understand, when I was young, I liked dragons. Preteen me read the book this was based on and was like “HOLY CRAP I LOVE DRAGONS” and I ironically this movie started it all. I have no idea what drove this. I was reading books about dragons in culture and drew the hell out them, it taught me a lot about designing and proportions. I think I may have a few drawings hidden somewhere, but the worst part of it all, was the fact, I use to defend this crappy movie and I feel shame to this day.
8. Mary and Max
This is a film about depression, asperger’s, and all the small the things that go wrong in life. I talk about this film often behind closed doors. Mainly, I feel bad for people who watch this for the first time and have a hard time trying to decide how to feel. It’s funny, it’s sad and when I get friends to watch it they lose interest and I feel alone in the world because I always expect people to enjoy it as much as I do. It’s a sad feeling and I don’t want to talk much afterwards. I just want to sit down with my sad funny movie.
9. La Bamba
This movie emotionally scared me, this is one of those movies my mom and I rented and I don’t remember much from the movie except for the ending. (Which for starters SPOILERS for a movie from 1987 based on real events that are well documented and culturally remembered as the day the music died) But that ending makes me sad and whenever I hear anyone tv, movies, or music reference Ritchie Valens I just run off to avoid the emotions from surfacing and I look like a fool for letting the movie get to me. I just want to say, Ritchie never won a coin toss before, that’s the tragic part. He never won a coin toss.
10. Kung Fury/ Mr. Nobody
One of these movies are super surreal and the other is a love letter to the 80’s. Here’s a fun game, go watch Kung Fury or Mr. Nobody. Kung Fury is probably easier since its 30 minutes long. Really study the plot of whatever you watch, go up to someone who has never seen the film before and just try to explain it. Explain these plots to someone. Watch them try and follow you. If you do it just as well as I can they will give you a vacant stare that makes you feel like you’re a weirdo and you just retreat to your room and ask yourself, “Why did I do that? You stupid idiot.”